Sunday, March 31, 2013

The feeling of being afraid

Disclaimer: This post will be longer than usual

I am afraid. For many things. Most of them are the fear of my future. I’m afraid that I took wrong decision, afraid that the steps I took aren’t God’s, and so on. And as the fears are piling up, I start to question more, what if I fail? What if this isn’t what God want me to do? What if I disappointed Him? What if and what if…

Speaking of fear, a week ago I watched The Croods (It’s a very good movie, I recommend you to watch it if you haven’t), and there’s a quote that draws my attention. At the beginning of it, the father of the Croods family tells his daughter to ‘never not be afraid’. It’s quite interesting for me cause it’s repeated for several times, but then, at the end of the movie the father tells his daughter again, but this time, he says ‘never be afraid’.

As this ‘afraid’ problem strikes me, I try to look at the bible for what it says about fear. I search the term ‘afraid’, and found these (all in NIV):

Matthew 8:26
He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Matthew 10:26
“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.

Matthew 10:28
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Matthew 10:31
So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matthew 17:7
But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.”

Mark 4:40
He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

Luke 8:50
Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”

Luke 12:32
“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

Many times, Jesus tells us not to be afraid. Fear makes us to loose what we supposed to earn. (Matthew 25:25, So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.)

But, then I think, isn’t fear so human? Jesus felt afraid when he’s going to be captured. (Mark 14:33, He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled) It isn’t said that Jesus was afraid, but the Indonesian version states so. Then, Jesus prayed at Gethsemane and he’s able to overpower His fear.

Man alone can’t conquer fear. But with God everything is possible. The thing is, I feel my spiritual condition is rather stagnant these days—if it can’t be called decline. And as I write this post, another quote stroke my mind. It’s from a movie called Demi Ucok (another good film you’ve to watch, I wrote the review in this blog). There’s a quote that says,’Takut tuh, tandanya lo jauh dari Tuhan’. I don’t really get it when I watched this movie, but now it feels very related to me. Sometimes when I feel that I sinned a lot, I think that I don’t deserve to pray. I don’t deserve to come to God. I know that this isn’t right. Then when I feel I don’t deserve to pray, my prayer will become just a routine, and this is when—like now, I will loose my intimacy with God. And as these continue, I realize that my fear will start to consume me. When things like this happens, I know the solution is to kneel, and have a little faith.

Ehm, by the way, Selamat Paska! Hehe…

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