He missed you

Maybe he just missed you. Maybe you're the one who was too busy doing things. Maybe you're the one who's forgetting him. Maybe you stop telling him stories and your prayer became a mere report. Maybe he wasn't the one you care the most anymore. Maybe he was jealous. Maybe you were replacing him with your hobbies, your work, your achievements, your friends, your best friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe things weren't that hard. Maybe you stopped depending on him. Maybe he wasn't leaving you. Maybe you're the one who stop looking for him. Maybe things got tough because he missed you. Because he—your God, loves you.

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happiness

Maybe happiness is a verb.

Give a lollypop to the five-year-old me and I will give you my best smile. Grinning from ear to ear, showing my lollypop to whomever I met.

But as I grow up, I realize that happiness isn’t about getting what you want. It is not about buying the latest dress in store or getting the highest score in class. It is not about eating a good food at a good restaurant. It is not about having a boyfriend. It is not even about you.

It was one day when I sat on my class, smiling by myself for nearly perfect score I got. Then I saw my best friend, the look at her face told me that she was disappointed with her result. Then, it didn’t take a long time to draw all of my happiness to a critical level. How could you be happy if your best friend wasn’t?

Then it was another day, when a friend of mine asked me to do a favor for her. It took a lot of my time, and to be honest, I did question my reason to help her. She gave me nothing in return. Then, after days of sacrificing my me-time, the job was done. She screamed out of joy, and for no reason—to able to put such a smile on her face, made me happy.

Here is an interesting thing about happiness. It best served when it’s shared. You won’t be happy happy if you happy by yourself.  And I think, the highest level of happiness is when you see someone you care about—someone you love to be happy.

That’s happiness.

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after the rain

Aku menatap ayunan yang bergerak lambat-lambat. Gerakan kecil pada papan kayunya menggetarkan  sudut kecil dalam memoriku. Aku berjingkat menghampirinya, menghindari beberapa genangan yang tercipta sehabis hujan.

Udara sejuk sore itu membuat rambut-rambut halusku meremang. Aku menyentuh rantai besi yang menjadi penyanggah di kanan kiri ayunan. Basah dan dingin. Titik-titik air yang menyentuh ujung jariku mencairkan momen yang membeku di dalam hatiku.

Aku menginjakkan kedua kakiku pada papan kayu merah yang telah pudar dimakan waktu. Dulu, warnanya pasti tidak sekusam ini saat kamu masih di sini. Aku tersenyum getir. Membayangkanmu ikut berayun di sebelahku. Berlomba siapa yang berhasil melambung lebih tinggi.

Aku memejamkan mata, menghirup udara sore yang terasa lembab di kulit. Dalam gelap telingaku masih merekam suaramu. Kamu yang tertawa renyah menantang angin. Kamu yang berteriak bebas menyerukan namaku di bawah langit senja.

Jingga yang sejak tadi mendominasi langit mulai kehilangan warnanya. Aku menghentikan ayunanku, seiring dengan gerak daun yang mendadak hening. Waktu seakan enggan bergerak. Aku membasahi kerongkonganku. Menahan butir-butir air mata yang mendesak sejak tadi.

Kalau hujan akhirnya berhenti dan meninggalkan pemandangan seindah ini, mungkin kepergianmu seharusnya juga menyisakan sedikit kebahagiaan, kan? Lalu, kalau ada belahan dunia di sebelah sana yang gantian menikmati cahaya mentari, seharusnya kamu juga bahagia di sana, kan? Bersamanya.

Aku melangkah turun dari ayunan. Kamu tahu? Aku sudah lelah berlari. Mengejarmu. Membiarkan diriku kehabisan napas sementara kamu tidak pernah menoleh. Jadi, kurasa ini saatnya untuk berhenti dan mengatur napas sejenak. Aku harap suatu saat nanti kita bisa bertemu. Berjalan beriringan. Dan tertawa bersama lagi.

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one night tale

She looked at his fingers

dancing on each string gracefully

Caressing them into a beautiful melody

Like magic dust kissing her lips

each stroke of the string kept her smile

Her gaze met his

and the hot air balloon floated on a midnight sky

Like a whisper of summer fairy

his voice was the warmth of her ears

It didn’t need all the wonder of the song

but she is happy

She is. 

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