I thought it was the most distressing days of my life. I was in the middle of my clerkship and placed in surgery department—in a town I’ve never been before. Sleepless nights, back-to-back night shifts, those textbooks that I’ve to learn. I was totally worn out. A friend of mine reminded me to keep praying. I answered him right away, ”I am in a stage where I feel that praying doesn’t help me anymore, I can’t feel God’s presents, He do nothing to ease my burden.”
I doubted that God care about my condition.
And so I skipped my bible reading routine, I only pray because it’s a habit; a habit before I go to sleep, a habit before I eat—I don’t even paid any attention to what I’m praying for. Practically I retreated from God. I stopped to share my feeling to him, I stopped to ask anything either, simply because I felt that he don’t understand how hard and heavy my life is.
But there’s this one day when he proved me wrong. On that day a nurse came to me, and out of nowhere she asked me if I go to church. I looked at her, tried to remember if I’ve ever told her that I’m a Christian. She asked me the same question again. I answered, ”Of course, I go to church”.
“No,” She shook her head. “I mean do you go to church here?”
“Here?” I repeated, still couldn’t understand why she asked me that kind of question. “No, these hospital things kept me busy even on Sunday, I have no time to go to church—I can’t go to church.” Actually, I don’t even try to find any church around the neighborhood.
“Now you’re making an excuse, kid,” she scolded me. “It’s really important to go to church. Put God first.”
I couldn’t say a word. It’s like God talked to me through the nurse.
“There is a church around here, you just need to take a little walk from the hospital,” She added, then left me alone at the nurse station.
My heart sank. I almost couldn’t hold my tears. It’s like being touched by God. It’s like hearing God said directly to me, ”Hey, I miss you”.
And he proved me wrong.
He does care about me on my darkest nights.
And he does care about you too.