Saturday, May 17, 2014


It was only two months after the marriage, a couple of newly weds sat in front of an obstetrician and gynecologist, facing their first—and probably worst nightmare. No. It wasn’t because one—or both of them were infertile. The doctor said that there was a myoma—a tumor, inside the woman’s womb, and it was as big as the head of a baby.  It was too big and it was impossible to differentiate the tumor from the womb, the only choice was to lift the womb from her body.

No womb. No uterus. No baby. It was the second month of their marriage and they were condemned to have no children. The only way to have one is to adopt a child. A child that won’t be from their flesh and blood.

The wife was only nodded as the doctor talked about her condition. Her spouse looked at the doctor with an empty look. It was only two months and the future of their marriage was at the edge. Everything seems so dark—too dark.

The day of operation arrived. The table was set. The doctor was ready. The scalpel cut through the woman’s skin. It was there, the myoma—lying quietly as big as the head of a baby. It was covered with a thin capsule—making it was easier to be lifted separately from the womb. The doctor stopped for a second, then said, ‘I think we can save the uterus’.

It took almost three hours for the operation to be done. The woman was lying quietly—unconscious. The only thing that inside her mind before she was anaesthetized was that she won’t have any children from her own womb. But, it was changed. The hope is there. Lying quietly with her inside her body. I can’t wait for her to open her eyes. I can’t wait for the husband to tell her that it won’t be as bad as they think before. That they might hear a cry of a baby in the middle of the night, one or two or three years from now. I can’t wait to see her face when she knows the hope is there. And it will always be there.

HE still gives people hopes.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


“…it is easy to become spoiled if we concentrate on the core of our giftedness—as if the universe existed only to fulfill our gifts….We live in a fallen world and the core of our gifts may not be fulfilled in our lives on earth. If there had been no Fall, all our work would have naturally and fully expressed who we are and exercised the gifts we have been given. But after the Fall, that is not so.” –The Call, Os Guinness

I didn’t personally agree with the statement when I read it for the first time. I’m struggling here myself. And hundred—thousand times I wonder what if I quit from what I am doing now and take do something I really want—I really love doing.

Things been really hard for me these days. And there are those nights when I feel like I really can’t do this, it’s too hard, and I want to quit. There are those time when I feel like I’m not belong where I am now, when I feel that this work isn’t for me, when I fell like I can have a much better life if I quit and doing what I really love…

But, as I struggling with these thoughts, somehow, there is this tiny little voice whispering deep down in my heart that I should stay. Stay, because I am the one that make the decision in the first place. Stay because I have a responsibility for my choice in the past. Stay, because may be this is the place that God want me to be in right now. Stay, because may be it is what I supposed to do. Stay, because maybe things get hard to remind me that things are broken here, and God will do His work through these brokenness.

Sunday, May 4, 2014


“Enak ya…” Reina menatap langit senja dari tempatnya berayun. Di atas, sekelompok burung terbang dengan membentuk formasi ‘V’. “Kalau bisa terbang”.

Rama yang duduk di ayunan sebelahnya menoleh.

“Penasaran kayak apa bumi dari atas sana,” Reina mengayunkan kakinya kuat-kuat, membuat ayunannya melambung semakin tinggi.

Rama ikut menyesuaikan ayunannya dengan milik Reina. Angin sore yang berhembus setelah hujan membuatnya ingin menarik napas dalam-dalam.

“Pasti kecil banget ya,” Reina melanjutkan.

Rama hanya diam, membiarkan sahabatnya itu terus berceloteh.

“Dari atas sana, masalah gue terlihat kecil juga nggak ya?” Reina tertawa pahit. Angin sore membuat matanya yang sudah berkaca-kaca semakin berair.

Rama mencengkram rantai ayunan kuat-kuat, menahan keinginannya untuk turun dari ayunan dan menarik sahabatnya itu ke dalam pelukannya. Tapi, bukan dirinya yang ingin Reina peluk, ia tahu itu. Bukan dirinya yang dapat menghapus seluruh rindu sahabatnya itu.

“Gue pengecut, ya? Maunya lari.”

Rambut Reina yang berkibar tertiup angin membuat Rama semakin ingin membelai kepala gadis itu.

Reina masih mendongak menatap langit. “Kalau gue bisa terbang, gue bisa ketemu Hans nggak ya, Ma? Dia ada di atas sana nggak ya?”

“Rei… Gue nggak punya sayap.”

Rahang Rama mengeras.

“Tapi, gue janji akan selalu jalan bareng-bareng elo”.