somehow, you survive

Do you remember your first day at school? Those exciting-nervous feeling that kept you awoke the night before your first day? It would be your first day without your mom. Would it be all right? What if you want to use the bathroom? What if you can’t do the task your teacher asked you to do?

Remember your first day in elementary? Would it be a great six years—or not? Remember the anxious feeling when your homeroom teacher asked you to introduce yourself? Would you get a lot of friend? What if you’re bullied for years?

Then you moved to junior high. Remember the first feeling you’re falling in love? The feeling when those butterflies flying and jumping in your stomach. Then there’s your first argue with your parents. Remember those tears when you thought nobody understand you? You felt like you’re the outcast.

Then it passed. Or may be not really. You still argue with your parents—sometimes. But you’re getting used to it. Then you started dating, went to high school. Remember your first broke up with your boy/girlfriend? How did it feel? Like your world collapsed into pieces and you thought you couldn’t live without him/her. You cried overnight. You couldn’t even imagine a day without him/her.

But then everything was okay. Well, maybe not that okay. The wound stay there and still hurts sometimes, but you’re just fine. Then it’s the time for you to graduate.

It was your junior year at university and you started doubting your choice. What if this wasn’t the major you really want? What if you took the wrong direction? What if you’d be better if you chose something else?

But then you got your first degree. You started to look for a job. It was a catastrophe. Nobody told you it was that hard to find a job. You were rejected again and again. Until you felt that nobody wanted you. All doors were closed.

Then years later, you were in a quite good position. Then you met your significant other. Then you decided to marry him/her. And it was one night, when you reconsider your BIG decision. Would it be the right thing to do? It was a great commitment, could you put your life into it?

Two years later there was your first child. You were excited… and worried at the same time. Could the two of you raise that child properly? It was a child. Not a mere child… What if—

Hey, the questions and the worries won’t stop for the rest of your life. There will be another fears; there will be another thing to worry about. But do you realize that you always manage to overcome it? It may sounds hard, but somehow you survive. Look at where you’re standing now, and look back at your life, at those worries and fear you’ve been through. Seems so little, don’t they? And those things you afraid of and worry about in the future will become tiny too. Because somehow, you’ll survive.

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I'm dating someone even though I'm married

I have a confession to make. I’m dating someone even though I’m married.

She’s an incredible girl. She’s beautiful, smart, cunning, strong, and has an immensely strong faith in God. I love to take her out to dinner, movies, local shows, and always tell her how beautiful she is. I can’t remember the last time I was mad at her for longer than five minutes, and her smile always seems to brighten up my day no matter the circumstances.

Sometimes she will visit me at work unannounced, make me an incredible lunch, or even surprise me with something she personally baked. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be dating someone even though I am married. I encourage you to try it and see what it can do for your life.

Oh! Did I mention the woman I am dating is my wife? What did you expect?

Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your dating life should end.

I need to continue to date my wife even after I marry her. Pursuing my wife shouldn’t stop just because we both said, “I do.” Way too many times do I see relationships stop growing because people stop taking the initiative to pursue one another.

Dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. Those butterflies you got on the first date shouldn’t stop just because the years have passed. Wake up each day and pursue your spouse as if you are still on your first few dates. You will see a drastic change for the better in your relationship.

When it comes to any relationship, communication and the action of constant pursuit is key. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to pursue them whole-heartedly.

I encourage you to date your spouse, pursue them whole-heartedly, and understand that dating shouldn’t end just because you said, “I do.”

- Jarrid Wilson

original article was taken from here

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the perks of being old school

Hari itu hujan baru saja berhenti. Langit mulai cerah, namun masih menyisakan sedikit gumpalan awan kelabu yang berarak menjauh. Saya memilih tempat duduk di pinggir jendela sebuah restoran dan memesan makanan. Sambil menunggu pesanan datang, saya mengeluarkan setumpuk bahan ujian dan mulai membacanya.

Sekitar sepuluh menit kemudian, sepasang suami istri memasuki restoran. Keduanya kira-kira berusaia enam puluhan, memakai pakaian putih yang senada satu sama lain. Entah kenapa keduanya menarik perhatian saya. Mungkin karena biasanya restoran ini jarang dikunjungi oleh pasangan tua, atau mungkin juga karena sang suami menunjuk makanan saya yang baru datang dan memesan makanan yang sama.

Sembari makan saya sesekali mengamati pasangan tersebut. Mereka asyik berbincang, tersenyum satu sama lain. Ada sesuatu dalam diri mereka yang membuat saya tertarik untuk mengamati keduanya. Lalu tidak lama kemudian datang pasangan lain. Kali ini usianya jauh lebih mudah. Mungkin belum menikah.

Pasangan tersebut duduk di sebelah pasangan tua yang sejak tadi saya amati. Yang perempuan memainkan gadgetnya, sementara yang laki-laki membolak balik menu. Keduanya memesan makanan tanpa bertanya satu sama lain. Lalu, beberapa detik kemudian laki-laki tersebut juga mengeluarkan smartphone-nya.

Ada pemandangan yang begitu kontras di hadapan saya. Pasangan yang pertama asyik berbincang selama makan dan saling menatap satu sama lain, sedang pasangan yang kedua saling mengobrol dengan mata tetap pada layar ponsel.

Apa yang membuat keduanya begitu berbeda? Bukankah seharusnya pasangan yang jauh lebih muda tersebut punya topik yang jauh lebih banyak—dan lebih seru, untuk dibicarakan dibandingkan pasangan yang sudah hidup bersama bertahun-tahun dan bertemu setiap hari? Bukankah seharusnya mereka tidak lebih bosan terhadap satu sama lain dibandingkan dengan pasangan di sebelah mereka?

Entahlah, mungkin lahir di era tanpa sosial media dan gadget yang canggih punya keuntungannya sendiri. Mungkin usia yang kian lanjut—yang membuat mereka lebih lamban mempelajari teknologi, membuat mereka lebih mahir dalam bercakap-cakap secara langsung. Maybe it makes them mastering the art of not getting bored to each other and still having things to talk about after decades of marriage. Maybe. I don’t know.

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those who matter

Lizzie Velasquez was labeled ‘the world ugliest woman’, but listen to her whole story and you’ll see the beauty of her. (if the video won't play, you can watch it here)

It doesn’t require the whole matches out of the box to start a fire. It doesn’t need to block the entire canal to create a flood. It’s easy—really easy to spread the bad, to talk about someone and laugh at him/her, though we know nothing about him/her.

But as the quote says,’ because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind,’ I think we should choose whom we’re listening to wisely. Because, yes, usually your inner circle—those who understand and know your whole story don’t mind about who you are. So why bother the others who know so little about you?

Listen to your support system—your family, your best friends—those who really care about you, those who want you to be better. Those, who matter to you.

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do you?

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Aku mengetuk-ngetukkan penaku ke meja, menghitung jumlah tetesan air yang sudah jatuh dari segelas ice lemon tea yang sudah mengembun sejak tadi. “Di mana sih dia?” Gumamku sambil menggoyang-goyangkan kaki keluar tempo. Suara musik yang di putar Kaftee&Bun sore ini sedikit terlalu keras, membuat emosiku semakin terusik. Aku melirik jam tanganku sekilas.

“Sabarlah, Va,” Arlene yang sejak tadi sibuk dengan diktat fisikanya melempar tatapan tajam ke arahku. Aku spontan menghentikan ketukanku di atas meja.

“Tapi ini udah satu jam, Lene,” Aku berusaha melanjutkan kegiatanku mengerjakan latihan tryout.

“Ekskur basketnya ngaret kali,” jawab Arlene tak peduli.

“Tapi firasat gue nggak enak,” debatku lagi.

“Jangan berlebihan, ah,” Arlene sama sekali tidak mengangkat kepalanya. “Nanti juga nongol tuh anak”.

“Tapi dia nggak bisa ditelpon, Lene.”

“Batrenya habis kali”.

Aku menghela napas berat. Entah kenapa rasanya kali ini berbeda. Niki terlambat dan aku merasa ada sesuatu yang tidak beres. “Gimana kalau dia kenapa-napa?”

“Kenapa-napa gimana?”

Aku mengangkat bahu. “Kayak dia bakal pergi jauh dari gue”.

Arlene akhirnya mendongak. “Elo takut?”

“Ya iya lah,” nadaku naik seoktaf. Pertanyaan macam apa ini?

Arlene tertawa kecil. “Setelah sekian lama dia bertahan sama lo tanpa kejelasan, gue rasa nggak heran kalau akhirnya Niki pergi, Va”.

“Bukan itu maksud gueeee,” jawabku kesal. “Elo masih sempet aja ya ngebahas hati. Lagian, gue sama Niki itu sahabat. Berapa juta kali sih harus gue bilangin?”

“Berapa juta kali juga harus gue bilangin kalau Niki suka elo?” balas Arlene, kali ini ia meletakkan pensilnya di atas meja. Perhatiannya jatuh sepenuhnya padaku.

“Itu kan asumsi lo aja,” aku mengalihkan pandangan.

“Tampang Niki tuh oke, anak basket, otaknya encer. Menurut lo apa yang membuat dia nggak punya pacar sampai hari ini?” Arlene menaikkan alisnya.

“Mana gue tahu?” Aku menyeruput minumanku.

“Katanya lo sahabatan? Kenapa nggak tahu?”

“Gue udah nyuruh Niki cari pacar kok”.

“Terus apa jawabannya?”

“’Iya’,” aku teringat jawaban yang dilontarkan Niki beberapa bulan lalu.

“’Iya’, tapi sampai sekarang belum pacaran? Orang kayak Niki nggak mungkin nggak ada yang suka. Alasan dia betah lama-lama nggak pacaran itu elo tau, Va.” Arlene mencondongkan tubuhnya. “He likes you. You like him. Nunggu apa lagi sih?”

Aku menggeleng. “Entah, Lene. Gue nggak tahu. Niki nggak kayak cowok-cowok yang selama ini gue suka. Gue nyaman di dekat dia, gue bisa jadi diri sendiri sama dia, tapi gue nggak pernah merasa deg-degan di dekat Niki.”

“Siapa bilang suka harus deg-degan?” debat Arlene. “Coba bayangin bakal gimana perasaan lo kalau seandainya Niki deketin cewek lain?”

Aku membiarkan tatapanku melayang jauh. Selama ini aku tidak pernah memikirkan akan bagaimana perasaanku. Cemburukah? Senang? Ke—

Pintu Kaftee&Bun terbuka. Niki melangkah masuk dengan gaya santainya yang khas. Seragamnya telah berganti kaos, dan ia menyandang ransel dengan sebelah bahunya.

“Sori ya lama,” Niki menghampiri kami, lalu mengambil tempat di sebelahku. “Eh kenalin, ini Tris, adik kelas kita.” Seorang gadis berkuncir satu berdiri di sebelah Niki. Wajahnya mungil, bola matanya yang hitam terlihat berbinar. Garis mukanya yang lembut dan senyum di bibirnya yang penuh membuatnya terlihat seperti peri. “Boleh ya dia gabung bentar?”

Aku melirik Arlene yang balas menatapku sambil menaikkan kedua alisnya.

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