One word that occupies my head these days: Forgive. I find it kind of hard to forgive someone who hurt you so bad. I tell the story to some of my friends and most of them said something like, ‘it’s normal if you hate him, I’d do the same too,’ or, ’hate him, let him know that he deserves to be hated’. And as I listen to those same voices, it’s getting harder to forgive.
But deep down in my heart I realize, I am tired of hating that person. I am tired looking at him and not saying a word. I am tired of letting hatred consume me. I want to forgive, but the other side of my heart says the opposite, ‘Do you want to forgive someone who treat you bad? Who make you suffer? Don’t you want to make him know that he is guilty? You’ll loose your pride if you forgive him.’
Pride. One of human’s biggest enemy. I struggle with this thing for quite a long time, until I tell one of my friends. Someone who rarely (maybe never) thinks bad about other people. Someone who makes me think that maybe there is a fine line between stupid and kind. This friend of mine is unbelievably nice she never hate people who treat her bad. I sometimes confront her but she tells me that it’s okay. I can’t understand. How is it going to be okay if our hearts are hurt? How is it going to be all right if people think that you are a fool? Why don’t you take a stand for yourself instead of playing good?
When I told her that I couldn’t forgive someone, she is the first person who asked me to let go. “Forget it for it’s already happened. You can’t change it anyway,” she said and there’s come a long silent from me. I know it is true. It’s defies any common sense but I know it’s the answer I’m looking for this whole time. To love and forgive your enemy without any recompense sounds ridiculous and hard and illogical. But, I think, isn’t this that God wants us to do? To love even if the world tells us to hate. To break the world’s logic. It’s not going to be easy, I know, but He already done it for us on the cross. He shows us the true love and asks us to pass it to each other.
As I see my friend’s life and realize that people who treat her bad are having their own problems and difficulties, I understand that asking payback isn’t human’s job. It is God’s. Our task is to love, and love, and love. Only loving others, and let God do the rest.