One word that occupies my head these days: Forgive. I find
it kind of hard to forgive someone who hurt you so bad. I tell the story to
some of my friends and most of them said something like, ‘it’s normal if you
hate him, I’d do the same too,’ or, ’hate him, let him know that he deserves to
be hated’. And as I listen to those same voices, it’s getting harder to
forgive.
But deep down in my heart I realize, I am tired of hating
that person. I am tired looking at him and not saying a word. I am tired of
letting hatred consume me. I want to forgive, but the other side of my heart
says the opposite, ‘Do you want to forgive someone who treat you bad? Who make
you suffer? Don’t you want to make him know that he is guilty? You’ll loose
your pride if you forgive him.’
Pride. One of human’s biggest enemy. I struggle with this
thing for quite a long time, until I tell one of my friends. Someone who rarely
(maybe never) thinks bad about other people. Someone who makes me think that
maybe there is a fine line between stupid and kind. This friend of mine is
unbelievably nice she never hate people who treat her bad. I sometimes confront
her but she tells me that it’s okay. I can’t understand. How is it going to be
okay if our hearts are hurt? How is it going to be all right if people think
that you are a fool? Why don’t you take a stand for yourself instead of playing
good?
When I told her that I couldn’t forgive someone, she is the
first person who asked me to let go. “Forget it for it’s already happened. You
can’t change it anyway,” she said and there’s come a long silent from me. I
know it is true. It’s defies any common sense but I know it’s the answer I’m
looking for this whole time. To love and forgive your enemy without any
recompense sounds ridiculous and hard and illogical. But, I think, isn’t this
that God wants us to do? To love even if the world tells us to hate. To break
the world’s logic. It’s not going to be easy, I know, but He already done it
for us on the cross. He shows us the true love and asks us to pass it to each
other.
As I see my friend’s life and realize that people who treat
her bad are having their own problems and difficulties, I understand that
asking payback isn’t human’s job. It is God’s. Our task is to love, and love,
and love. Only loving others, and let God do the rest.
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