A Shoulder

What’s more comfortable than a shoulder to lean on at the midst of your storm? When I can’t laugh my problems away and when the tears are welling up, leaning on His shoulder sounds perfect. Like, “God, can I take a rest for a second? I’m tired”. And it does feel nice.

When I lean on His shoulder and all I say is I want to give up, He whispers,”Hey, it’s not over yet. You have to fight a little bit more. Try harder.—No, Let us fight together.”

I know he is Someone who never watches from outside the ring. He is here, inside my battlefield. Taking the pain I take, feeling the sore I feel. Telling me which move I should take. And knowing this makes me better. Because I know I’m not alone. Because I know I’m not struggling by myself. Because I know I have a God that never loses a battle. Not a single one.

If you feel like falling apart, try to lean on His shoulder. Tell Him your story, your complaints, your sorrow, and listen. Listen to whatever He says. It'll be good.

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I am fine. You are fine. We are fine

“Gue pengen potong poni nih, tapi cowok gue bilang rambut gue bagusan kayak sekarang,” kata teman saya pagi itu.

“Iya, rambut lo bagusan nggak pake poni,” saya berkomentar.

“Hah masa sih? Gue malah lebih suka pake poni. Jidat gue nggak kelihatan lebar,” Ia memperlihatkan fotonya saat masih berponi.

“Bagusan rambut lo yang sekarang, ah. Jidat lo nggak lebar.” saya bersikeras.

“Iya ya? Aneh juga ya, penilaian kita tentang diri kita sama penilaian dari orang lain sering kali beda banget ya”.

Saya mengangguk. Setuju banget. Kita—cewek terutama, seringkali jadi kritikus paling kejam untuk diri sendiri. ‘Gue gendut’, ‘Gue pendek’, ‘Pinggang gue gede banget’, ‘Hidung gue kurang mancung’, ‘Kulit gue hitam’, and so on... Padahal di mata orang lain we are doing just fine.

Jadi ingat Real Beauty Sketches-nya Dove yang sempat booming. Yang belum lihat videonya bisa nonton di sini:

Penilaian kita terhadap diri sendiri sering kali 10 kali lebih buruk daripada penilaian orang lain terhadap diri kita. We are better than we think, girls—or maybe boys. Nggak ada yang salah dengan mengoreksi diri, tapi jangan sampai kita menjadi korban atas diri kita sendiri. Easy, love yourself for you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Today's Highlight

Baru aja tadi pagi saya comment tulisan Christine di sini, dan siangnya saya langsung mengalami kejadian yang ditulis diblognya. Postingannya somehow terasa relate banget sama keadaan saya sekarang. Because I skip reading Bible for several days. Because I can’t feel Him when I cry all night. Because I feel like I’m disappointed with God. And as I can never understand Him completely, He doesn’t mad at me. Instead, He proved me wrong today by showing His love. Again. Iya, secepat itu Tuhan ngasih jawaban.

Tadi siang saya sempat cerita-cerita sama teman saya di sebuah food court. Dan ketika kami sudah mau pulang, seorang pria berpakaian rapi menghampiri kami. Usianya kira-kira dua puluhan, tampangnya nggak kelihatan jahat, tapi yang membuat saya dan teman saya takut adalah karena orang asing ini bertanya hal-hal aneh.

Pria ini duduk di sebelah saya, bertanya ini itu, dan tiba-tiba meminta teman saya mengulurkan tangannya. Kebetulan teman saya memakai cincin di jari tengah tangan kanannya. Pria asing ini bilang ia mau menjelaskan arti cincin yang dipakai di jari tengah. Orang ini mulai bercerita soal dewa dewi dalam mitologi Yunani yang nggak terlalu berani saya dengarkan karena saya panik setengah mati takut dihipnotis.

Saya berdoa dalam hati sepanjang waktu, dan makin takut saat menyadari bahwa teman si orang asing ini duduk tepat di belakang saya. Saya sempat meminta seorang teman untuk menelepon saya, dan untungnya, saat saya mengangkat telepon dari teman saya itu, orang asing ini langsung berpamitan. And thank God, nothing happened with us. Sampai sekarang saya masih penasaran sih apa motif dua orang tersebut.

But what I’m trying to say is, when I cried for God today, at that one moment, I realized that He loves me. He loves me enough so I could came back home and wrote this post safe and sound. He loves me even if I hurt His heart by doubting Him. Dan mengutip kalimat Christine: In my deepest heart, I know I trust Him.

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Getting Lost

So last Friday I went to Puncak with three of my friends. There was quite a queue on our way home, so we took several alternative routes on highway. But, somehow we got lost. We ended up near Tanjung Priok Port and have no idea where to go. It’s a place that we all have never been before. It was getting dark outside and the traffic jam was so terrible we couldn’t found our way back quick.

It was quite funny that we got lost on our way back from Puncak. It’s a usual route and still we lost the course. As I think about it, I realize we do things like that too in our life. We think we know the track—the right way, then we start to try this and that, here and there to find something new. Like a child eagers to explore something new. We get excited until one point we starting to realize that we ‘re far away from the right path. Then we start panicking. And at time like this, we use our GPS. Thank God, there is a GPS for our life too—His words. As we’re getting scared and tired, we start to obey whatever direction the GPS tells us to take. No second-guesses, no doubts. And at some point here, we learn to trust. To believe Him. And I think, it’s good to get lost sometimes. :P 

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Be With Someone Who...

Be with someone who loves and honors your heavenly Father

Be with someone who loves God more than he/she loves you

Be with someone who puts God first instead of your weekend date

Be with someone who scolds you when you’re doing wrong

Be with someone who makes you understand God more

Outer beauty is good, but be with someone whose inner beauty can be seen outside.

Be with someone who prays for you even if he/she is angry with you

Be with someone who puts his/her desire on God

Be with someone holds your hand in God’s path

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